Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize