I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Green mimosas i think yes
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize