What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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