I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
