I think I died a long time ago.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize