I just cut my nipple shaving
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
