it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Mom said you looked used
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Randomize
