You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
