Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
