my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
