Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
