People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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