Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
