Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
