As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
