Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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