I want to make a zoo with you.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
