the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
