dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
