That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
