I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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