Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
