I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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