worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
