I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I look better un-naked...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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