Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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