Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize