Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
