...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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