oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
