Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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