Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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