You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
