He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
