Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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