So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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