The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
