Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
