And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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