Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
