Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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