Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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