so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
