bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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