Pants 0. Shit 1.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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