we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
