Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
