how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
