I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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