That's when you crack a 10am beer
Welp...herpes.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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