note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she pinky promised me she was 18
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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