my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i used baking grease as lip gloss
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
