yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I look better un-naked...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
