First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
