he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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