your thong is hanging out like whoa
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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