Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
