you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
