Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
