i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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