Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
