This is not my ceiling
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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