I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
