Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
