we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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