I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
